I have spent the past few days very down and depressed due to my recent
knee surgery. I really can't explain it. EVERYONE has been so extremely kind and giving. I know it has a lot to do with my discomfort and pain. (Getting off narcotics tends to wreck ones emotions too, I understand.)
Yet, I have been so surprised at myself--how weak and vulnerable I am being and how I don't care. I feel like I am usually so "put together" and in control. Not for the past 11 days. My poor family.
I am alone this afternoon and evening. Brian has taken Abby to Travis' basketball game two hours north and won't be home until late. So easy for me just to lay on the sofa and feel sorry for myself and NOT do my physical therapy exercises and NOT get up and walk and NOT fold laundry or pay bills or wrap gifts (which I am perfectly capable of doing.) I've been ignoring phone calls and texts from sweet friends all morning. I just want to wallow in self-pity.
One of those ignored friends just stopped by. I didn't want to answer the door, but when I peeked out the window and found it was her, I HAD to. She spent maybe 20 minutes just visiting and listening and letting me talk about the misery.
When she left I had a smidgen of optimism. I got up, turned on some Christmas music, emptied the dishwasher, and started another load of laundry. On the radio I heard a commercial for some holiday event where a shepherd boy asked, "what can I give him?"
That got me thinking. I am very self-consumed right now (and maybe that is OK.) But, what CAN I give the Savior?
After several minutes of soul searching I concluded that I can reach deep deep inside myself and find my own joy. If I can find happiness in myself and actually BE happy, then I will certainly show Him how grateful I am for just being, for my body that is capable of healing, for my loving family. It would certainly be a much-needed gift to them if I were to at least attempt a positive attitude. It would be a gift to me and, hopefully, a gift to Him.
So, I will get up off the couch. I will DO something. I will try.
It's all I can give right now. Just taking care of me. He has offered me PEACE and I want to receive it.